Well it’s been a little while since I’ve written one of these more wordy posts. To be fair, I haven’t had much on my mind to share until recently. As I hinted at in my last pregnancy update, I’ve been having a few wobbles where my body confidence is concerned, as well as having a head full of thoughts about ‘life’ while I’m on the cusp of so many big changes.
Overall, my pregnancy so far has really been wonderful. This time last year I was genuinely coming to terms with the fact that I might never experience this, and every single day I feel thankful for being so blessed. When I have had body confidence ‘wobbles’ recently I’ve felt quite guilty about it, how dare I not adore my pregnant body when something so amazing is happening inside me? However I know that part of it is natural, and it doesn’t mean I don’t love my bump, it’s just the feeling of being ‘large’ that is the issue.
When I’ve really thought about why I’ve been having those wobbles I think it’s a combination of things. Firstly hormones have a lot to answer for! I’m very emotional in general at the moment so I know some of it can be attributed to that. I also know I’ve probably gained a little more weight than necessary and admittedly I’ve fallen into some body comparison with other pregnant ladies. I also felt that I didn’t look fabulous in some of my maternity photos, but I shared some on my personal Facebook and I’m sharing that one above because I need to get over myself!
When I look back at the start of the year I was saying that I was feeling rather uncomfortable at the size and weight I’d reached after Christmas. What I’ve needed to remind myself of is that it was probably that weight gain that actually enabled me to get pregnant in the first place. I also know that my body gains weight very easily, and although my diet has been extremely healthy for pregnancy, more treats have cropped in and my appetite is high, which is all natural and good especially at this stage. These are the odd wobbles and not how I’m feeling all the time and I am quite good at using strategies to deal with them and understand them. Yes, sometimes I feel like Jaba the Hut but other days I look at myself naked in the mirror and genuinely think my body is at it’s most beautiful. My bump is gorgeous and I would not have it any other way…
Looking at those pics are quite reassuring as I don’t think I look too bad at all, and how lush is the bump! I do look like I have two belly buttons though as I had to remove my belly ring. Oh and that’s my first tattoo I ever had done on my hip, it’s a little rose I had done when I was far too young!
…but, and this is just me keeping it real here, I am really looking forward to my body finding some kind of normality post birth and breast feeding. Bless it, over the last 6 years I’ve put it through being overweight, losing 6 stone, knackering it up with too much exercise, not enough nourishment, stress and the contraceptive pill and then making it gain weight again and taking more medication to try and get it sorted. Now it’s growing this baby! I think it deserves some serious TLC after all of that, and as much as I will want to ‘lose the baby weight’ there’s no way I’m going to be pushing it with an approach that is unsustainable. Instead it’s going to be a good opportunity to practice what I preach! I’ve been reading a lot of information about the importance of the post birth rest period and how it’s traditional in many societies for women to rest for 40 days. I’ll see how I go, as generally some exercise makes me feel better, but ultimately I have no idea what shape I’m going to be in physically post birth so we shall just have to see.
I also can not wait to get some new clothes, seriously I want to buy all the workout gear, dresses and go vintage shopping, it’s killing me! I’m saving up for one almighty shopping spree that’s for sure. Plus I want more tattoos…and to be able to drink coffee more often…and let’s face it, have a god damn alcoholic cocktail!
Pregnancy is fabulous and an amazing experience, but it’s not rainbows and unicorns by a long shot. As well as the body side of it, I think it’s natural to be a bit nervous about what life will be like when the little one makes an appearance. Before I got pregnant and right now too, I love my life! It’s scary to consider what might change that. Will I be able to take proper care of him? What kind of mother will I be? How will it impact on our relationship? Will I still be able to work and blog? Will I still be ‘me’? Ultimately I know that everything will change, life will never be the same, but we will be fine and James and I will work things out just like everyone else does.
Alongside the pregnancy life is pretty good. I’ll be talking about my approaching birthday soon and I have to say I feel like I’m in exactly the place I’m meant to be right now. My business is just blooming and I love it! Never would I have imagined I’d be working for myself and it rocks. I’ve got great things on the horizon as well as having the little man, and generally I just feel buzzing. I’ve just seen some of the proof layouts for the recipe book I’m contributing to and holy shit they are incredible, I actually cried seeing my recipes like that! One thing that I do wish is that we could sell our bloody flat, but at this late stage we have managed to create plenty of space for the baby and feel quite settled, so perhaps it’s something to put on next years wish list, although it does play on my mind.
Thanks for reading all my rambles!
If you’ve had a child, can you relate to any of the feelings I’ve experienced? If not, how do you think you’ll find pregnancy in the future? How do you handle big life changes?