‘Lazy fat cow’
‘You’re so useless’
‘You’ll never be as good as them’
I really hope that none of those statements above sound familiar to you, but I’m betting that for some of you they will. Those are just a few of the things I’ve said to myself in the past, the latter two quite recently. We all have that inner bitch, that bloody nasty voice in the back of our heads being negative, doubtful and downright horrid.
When I’ve experienced this, it’s not something that I consciously recognise until I catch myself and my thoughts. When I do, I’m horrified at how awful I can be to myself! When it goes unchecked, it is literally like walking around with a bully standing next to you hurling abuse. I think this ‘bitch’ comes from a lot of the emotional baggage we pick up as we go from children to adults, compounded with society’s portrayal of ‘perfection’.
I’m doing a lot of work on the mindset elements of healthy living at the moment, and this inner bitch is a huge barrier to making changes, meeting goals and doing anything to shift your current situation. The trouble is, so many of us don’t even pick up on it and all we have is this unconscious tirade of negativity. It’s hard to feel at our most fabulous when we have this stuff bringing us down. We need to ditch this bitch for good.
How do we ditch the bitch? I think it starts with becoming conscious of it. Just reading this post will probably trigger that for you. Perhaps you’ll start picking up on that voice a little more today. Stay with it, and start to pay attention, you’ll probably be surprised by how often you hear it to begin with.
Then it’s about drowning it out and talking it down! When I first started to hear my inner bitch talk, just the act of recognising it and saying to myself, ‘oh my word that is so horrible, fuck off’ helped. Then it was about drowning it out with positivity. This can be quite hard, because I think for a lot of us thinking about how awesome we are triggers a lot of baggage about being ‘too big for our own boots’, a show off, over confident, all those icky feelings that come with saying how good we believe we are. Remember, this is just in your own head, so forget about how others might judge you if you said out loud: ‘I’m awesome’. Just start saying more positive things about yourself internally. Drown out the negative with the positive. Or maybe think of it like replacing the words of a bitchy ‘friend’ with those of a best friend. To sum it up:
1. Recognise the bitch and call her out
2. When she speaks, tell her to F-off
3. Consciously start thinking more positive thoughts about yourself – trade the inner bitch for the inner best friend
If you get stuck for positive stuff to tell yourself, try these on for size:
- I am awesome!
- I totally rock at that
- I am so good at that
- I am fabulous
I am ______ is a very powerful way to change things, so think about what words come after your ‘I am’.
Oh and by the way, I totally rock, and so do you!
Do you have an inner bitch? How do you handle her?
So true! Thanks for posting this Laura – I know I need to tell that voice to pipe the heck down a lot of the time!
My pleasure, glad it was helpful Louise!
Great post. What’s really hard these days is that there is so much comparison available…social media is a breeding ground for it so feeling inadequate just comes so easily when you can compare yourself to millions of people all over the world. Before it was just people on TV or magazines, now it’s everyone! But you’re completely right, you cannot listen to that silly voice that compares and says “you’re not good enough”. Otherwise life becomes so depressing!
You’re so right there, social media has made it ten times worse!
LOVE this title :) I have been dealing with this at a whole new level recently too – planning to bop the inner bitch on the head by deliberately speaking positive things and making sure I am looking after me as the bitch comes out more often when stressed or tired:)
Great point on it being worse when stressed or tired, it’s harder to be positive when you’re feeling like that isn’t it.
Love this! My inner bitch is always berating me for missing workouts and eating one to many sweet treats – I think we’re our own worst critics most of the time. Definitely need to work on ditching the bitch! x
Glad you enjoyed the post Lily, time to ditch the negative self talk!
A great post Laura! It’s interesting that we all deal with this, as it when it happens, it can feel like it’s just us. I agree with Kezia that for me the voice tends to come out a lot more when I’m tired/ stressed so self-care really helps. I think the hardest thing is comparison….I read somewhere that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and it’s so true. I think working out your values and what’s really important to you and remembering that we are all unique and different helps.
That’s a great quote and so completely true, really focusing on what makes us great is so important!
This post came at a good time of the week!! It was a little reminder to be kinder to myself! Thank you Laura! Have a fab weekend!
Thanks Clementine, glad it was useful for you!
When I see what we say to ourselves written down I can’t help but feel so uncomfortable. The way we speak to ourselves is horrible! One thing I’ve found really helpful in changing my long term view of myself is rephrasing things I say to myself from “you stupid idiot” to “that was a silly thing to do”. Everyone makes mistakes, and we need to recognise that it’s a one off thing we’ve done, rather than overgeneralising and believing it’s because we’re a bad person.
It’s horrible isn’t it! I think so much of it slips through our minds and doesn’t get analysed but does the damage all the same x
Well I can’t beleive the Inner Bitch has her own epidemic?!! Far form ditching my bitch I have tried an alternative:
I like to call mine Scarlett and tell her to simmer down, whilst reminding her that she is surely a much nicer bitch than the nasty, degrading things she says to her good mate Kate;)
I’ve personally found that after many years of war with Scarlett, she has also been a feisty alli too (you don’t want to cross her!). Scarlett just wants what’s best for me and tries to push me towards the best I can be, she just can be wayyyy off in her approach – which of course is counterproductive.
However you do it, I think one thing this brilliant article shows is the importance of being self aware enough to catch her out and pull her up on it!
I’m new to your Blog and love it. Thank you for posting this and making my day.