‘Lazy fat cow’
‘You’re so useless’
‘You’ll never be as good as them’
I really hope that none of those statements above sound familiar to you, but I’m betting that for some of you they will. Those are just a few of the things I’ve said to myself in the past, the latter two quite recently. We all have that inner bitch, that bloody nasty voice in the back of our heads being negative, doubtful and downright horrid.
When I’ve experienced this, it’s not something that I consciously recognise until I catch myself and my thoughts. When I do, I’m horrified at how awful I can be to myself! When it goes unchecked, it is literally like walking around with a bully standing next to you hurling abuse. I think this ‘bitch’ comes from a lot of the emotional baggage we pick up as we go from children to adults, compounded with society’s portrayal of ‘perfection’.
I’m doing a lot of work on the mindset elements of healthy living at the moment, and this inner bitch is a huge barrier to making changes, meeting goals and doing anything to shift your current situation. The trouble is, so many of us don’t even pick up on it and all we have is this unconscious tirade of negativity. It’s hard to feel at our most fabulous when we have this stuff bringing us down. We need to ditch this bitch for good.
How do we ditch the bitch? I think it starts with becoming conscious of it. Just reading this post will probably trigger that for you. Perhaps you’ll start picking up on that voice a little more today. Stay with it, and start to pay attention, you’ll probably be surprised by how often you hear it to begin with.
Then it’s about drowning it out and talking it down! When I first started to hear my inner bitch talk, just the act of recognising it and saying to myself, ‘oh my word that is so horrible, fuck off’ helped. Then it was about drowning it out with positivity. This can be quite hard, because I think for a lot of us thinking about how awesome we are triggers a lot of baggage about being ‘too big for our own boots’, a show off, over confident, all those icky feelings that come with saying how good we believe we are. Remember, this is just in your own head, so forget about how others might judge you if you said out loud: ‘I’m awesome’. Just start saying more positive things about yourself internally. Drown out the negative with the positive. Or maybe think of it like replacing the words of a bitchy ‘friend’ with those of a best friend. To sum it up:
1. Recognise the bitch and call her out
2. When she speaks, tell her to F-off
3. Consciously start thinking more positive thoughts about yourself – trade the inner bitch for the inner best friend
If you get stuck for positive stuff to tell yourself, try these on for size:
- I am awesome!
- I totally rock at that
- I am so good at that
- I am fabulous
I am ______ is a very powerful way to change things, so think about what words come after your ‘I am’.
Oh and by the way, I totally rock, and so do you!
Do you have an inner bitch? How do you handle her?